I’m back….

So I moved to California about 3 weeks ago and am loving it.  I am still trying to get organized, coming from a 4 bedroom house to a 2 bedroom apartment takes some adjustment.  But in all I couldn’t be happier about my decision to move out here.

In my last blog I had mentioned that there were some things that I wanted to write about when I had time.  Well, I have some time.  I don’t think that I have much of an audience, but I hope that what I write reaches someone in particular.

When I first started this blog my life was completely different than it is now.  I had a friend that lived out here in CA which turned into much more.  We fell in love and had intentions of being together one day.  Since that time many things changed, but I was still determined to get to CA and if she was still around we would see where we stood.  Earlier this year I found that she is not who she claimed to be, not even close.  And to top it off I haven’t talked to her in almost 6 months.

The situation is weird.  I feel like I lost my best friend, she is just gone.  I have no way of getting in touch with her and that hurts.  She hurt me, she hurt me real bad especially after I found out the truth.  I can’t grasp my head around why someone would do what she did to me.  Part of me wants to hate her for what she did, but I don’t hate her at all.  She helped motivate me to move to CA, which is what I always wanted.  Her method of motivation was crappy but it worked.  She was also the one that helped me battle my depression.  So in some ways, the good things she did outweigh the bad.

I am not going to bash her or expose her on here.  She knows what she did and is the one that has to live with that.  I just want her to know that I miss her as a friend and wish things would have been different. If she ever reads this, you know how to get in touch with me….I hope she does.

Quick update

Just a quick update….I am moving to CA in less than two weeks!  I cannot wait, I am so excited!

I have some things that I want to blog about and I plan to once I get moved and settled in.

Been Awhile

It has been a loooooooooong time since I have blogged anything, so here it goes.  The house is for sale, has been for about months now.  Unfortunately those that seem interested in buying it have to sell their house first   I am trying to be patient, I really am….but it is pretty frustrating at the same time. I have lowered the price a few times now and I will be paying some to get the house sold.  But when I weigh money to my happiness, it is a no brainer.  I can always make the money back.

I feel like my life is on hold….just sitting here waiting. Everything else is lined up and I am beyond ready to move to Cali.  My best friends here are moving soon, luckily for them that they can afford the potential two mortgages.  It is going to suck when they leave, I am really going to miss them.

I don’t have too much more to say at this point….I will try to blog more often soon.

The Happenings

So the fixing up of the house is going real well!  I have a few more things to do and then I think it will be ready.  And I got a realtor too who is very driven and I think will do an awesome job.  It is crazy, things are moving fast and it is exciting….I may actually be closer to moving soon….YAY!

A friend of mine sent me an interesting article talking about love languages.  It is actually from a book and it was actually pretty interesting.  Basically there are 5 different love languages:

1.   Words of affirmation
2.   Quality time
3.   Receiving gifts
4.   Acts of service
5.   Physical touch

So I started thinking and my main one is words of affirmation with quality time being a close second.  It also mentions about knowing what your significant other’s language is so that you can show them love in a way that they can feel it the most.  What I found interesting is that it seems that whatever your languages are is how you generally show love.  And it may not be the right way and can really hurt the person that you do love.  So in a way ‘treat others how you want to be treated’ may be right for you, but not right for someone else.

I found it interesting and just wanted to share

What’s new…

Time seems to be flying by right now….guess staying busy will do that.  I was in Vegas last weekend.  It was a fun trip, but I lost most of the money that I brought with me.  Seemed like I was unlucky at everything I tried.  So I had a lot of free time to walk around and people watch….and that was not at the strip clubs lol

My parents are coming to help me put a huge dent in fixing up my house this weekend.  I am hoping to get a lot done, then will only have more cosmetic projects left.  I also want to get it on the market in hopes of getting more people looking that can benefit from the first time home buyers credit.  It would be huge if I could sell this place quickly!

Other than that I have been doing a lot of thinking lately about life.  I think things are moving in the right direction for me in getting where I want to be in life.  I have a few goals left that I need to reach before I can get there, but I am starting to see the finish line.

Home Improvement Part 1

So I have been working on spiffing up my house in hopes to sell it as soon as I can.  I have already replaced all the door knobs/hinges, worked on the kitchen cabinets, and painted all the closets upstairs.  A few minor glitches on each, but nothing I couldn’t handle

So this weekend I was going to paint both bathrooms and the closets downstairs.  All in all only one bathroom and closet got done.  Someone told me that I should use primer before painting…..what do they know?  Apparently more than me lol.  A few years ago I painted my living room, kitchen, and the hallway (upstairs and down) without using primer…why would I need it now?  Well, after putting an off-white color over white it looked like crap.  You can see where I started and ended every stroke with the roller.  The upstairs bathroom got painted with no problems.  And after a second coat on one closet, it looks ok.

Now the downstairs bathroom.  I have replacedall  the ugly, outdated, brass hardware in the house with nickel which looks awesome.  The downstairs bathroom has a walk-in shower with a glass door and a brass frame.  I had this brilliant idea of painting the frame with a nickel spray paint (which it did say would bond to metal).  Ummmm….the paint did not bond, but whatever adhesive that is in the paint did.  So, I tried to get it off as quickly as possible, but to no avail.  I even bought some mineral spirit stuff that was supposed to work….no luck.  So now I get to buy a new door.  Along with a light fixture that I broke in there also.

This weekend has been a nightmare for me and I am actually looking forward to going to work this week.  I think I broke more here than I fixed lol.  So in my spare time I will be taping off every room that needs to be painted in hopes to primer it all next weekend.  It is only a minor setback for me….but at least Home Depot still loves me

See-Saw

I know, I know…haven’t posted in a few.  But honestly, I haven’t had anything to say.  Life is a roller coaster right now and I am still screaming on the way down…waiting for it to steady out or go back up so I can catch my breath.

Anyway, I started dabbling a little in writing a story awhile back and thought I would post the beginning of it.  I can have a twisted mind and also like some of the AB/DL things, so I combined the two.  The title is See-Saw and is here is the beginning just to get you interested.

See-Saw by keviboy

Jeremy is 26 years old.  He works a 9-5 job is a computer programmer.  In his spare time he enjoys playing video games and chatting online with friends.  But Jeremy has a secret.

Jeremy has a strong desire to be a baby again.  He dreams of how great it would be to have a mommy who would take care of him.  He makes posts on various ABDL sites stating how he is looking for a mommy.  As he is chatting online, he hears someone enter his apartment.  He gets up to see who it is and as he goes to turn on the lights in the kitchen a masked person comes from behind and injects him with a heavy sedative.

As the drugs wear off and he finally comes to, he sees that his surroundings are quite different.  He is laying down on his back, but things don’t seem quite right.  As his eyes get adjusted he can see the rails enclosing him in and the mobile hanging above him.  He feels heavy and can hardly move, but can tell by the bulk between his legs that he is wearing a diaper.  He begins to smile and feel happy with his newly found situation.  As he is looking around the room, he can see a large changing table stacked with diapers and powder and all the changing essentials.  He sees a large, comfortable chair in a corner of the room.  Jeremy is getting more excited by the minute.

As he is taking all this in the door opens and he sees a small puppet come in riding on a tricycle.  The tricycle rolls closer and closer towards him and then stops.  Jeremy’s eyes get really big and his happiness fades away and fear takes its place.  The puppet is dressed in a tuxedo, black hair, and a very pale face with red spirals on its cheeks.  A voice is then heard coming from the puppet.

“Hello Jeremy, I want to play a game” ……

Sorry about the delay

OK, so I haven’t been good at writing frequently and this blog has completely gone in a different direction than initially planned.  But hey, it’s my blog and it will go where I want it to :p

So, my life has been sort of a roller coaster the last few days.  But I can definitely say that I have learned some things about myself lately.  My plan of moving out to CA to be with the woman that I love has ran into a slight problem at the moment.  Instead of just selling a house to worry about, I now have that and getting approval from work to leave as well.  I did have approval before, but due to some things happening at work it has been put on hold and will be reconsidered in June.  Now, I really didn’t plan on moving before June anyway but now there is no guarantee I will get approval at all.  But I am still going to stick to my plan….have my house on the market this spring and if it sells then I will just find a place here to rent.  I guess it is not as bad as it could be, I mean at least I do have a job in these troubling times.

Also, my relationship took a turn as well….not in a bad way, but different.  The honeymoon part is over and that is taking some getting used to.  We don’t talk as much as we used to and that has caused a few problems.  We were really spoiled before when we could talk all the time and it has been tough going from that to a lot less.  My girlfriend is very busy at work and doesn’t have as much time as she once did.  At first, it really bothered me and made me worried that I did something wrong (past relationships contribute to that).  She then explained that this is a busy time for her and it is not that she doesn’t want to talk, she just doesn’t have time.  I can understand that and it got me thinking.  I worry a lot when I don’t know what is going on (past relationships) and I have been a little selfish.  I guess I needed reassurance to know that things were ok, even when I know deep down how much she loves me.  After doing some thinking about all of this, I determined that I just need to enjoy the time I do get with her and not worry so DAMN much!  We both know how we feel about each other and neither of us are going anywhere (ok I want to go out to her, but….yeah you know what I mean).  They say absence makes the heart grow fonder, I would definitely agree.

Well, this was what was on my mind today….hopefully the next post will be back on track with what this blog was intending (not that I don’t like writing about you my love).  And to my girl….I love you lots

Sorry

Sorry is a word that people use to ask for forgiveness when they have done something wrong.  In some cases you use it when you didn’t do anything wrong just to ‘fix’ the problem.  Other times you use it when you are wrong and have hurt someone you care about.  Sometimes the words and the feelings behind it are enough, but sometimes sorry just doesn’t cut it.

I have dealt with both sides of this the last few days, saying it when I didn’t do anything wrong, and saying it when I was truly wrong and wish I could show how truly sorry I am.  In both cases, I hurt people that I truly care about, directly and indirectly.

In the first case, someone close to me felt left out because they were the last to know about something going on in my life.  They found out from someone else and felt betrayed because they didn’t hear it from me.  Now I am not trying to pass the blame, but this person and I are not the best when it comes to communicating with one another.  I always have to make the effort to communicate and to me that is not right or fair.  I have never understood how hard it is for people to pick up the phone, write an email, send a text message, etc. just to show you care.  So to calm down the
situation I called them and listened to how they felt and then apologized.  I feel that I did nothing wrong, but for them to hear that I am sorry was what they needed.

The other case is where I royally screwed up.  I hurt someone I care about more than anything else in the world by basically insulting and questioning them.  As much as I wish, I cannot take back what I said, the damage is done.  I’m not sure saying sorry or trying to show how truly sorry I am will help this person forgive me.  It tears me up inside about what I did and I am truly upset with myself.  I don’t know what else I can do to show how sorry I am and how much I am begging for forgiveness.  Maybe this will help, maybe time is needed to heal the wounds that I caused, I don’t know.  But whatever needs to be done, I will do it.

Babe, I am so truly sorry for questioning you and would do anything for your forgiveness.  I never wanted to hurt you and was very wrong for what I did.  I don’t blame you for being mad at me, I am truly mad at myself for what I did.  I love you more than anything in the world and wish I could show my love and how truly sorry I am.

Kevin

I need you

Tonight my girlfriend is out on the town with her sister.  And here I am, blogging   It is our first night away from each other and I am doing fine….really I am!  Honestly, I miss her but I am happy she is spending time with her sister and I hope they are both having a great time.

I know I know, I sound like have no life outside of her.  I know that there are going to be occasions when we are apart and I am totally cool with that as we both need to do the ‘girls’ and ‘guys’ time.  But lately she is all I think about and who I want to spend my time with.

Over the past several weeks, I have never been happier in my life.  This girl is amazing and I am so lucky to have her.  I am seriously in love with her!  I have never felt this way about anyone in my life.  She makes me so happy that I literally have a smile on my face all the time.

So, tonight as I sit here writing this, I keep thinking about how much she means to me….how much I truly desire her.  I look at the future and it looks wonderful.  If she is reading this, I hope she had a great night and I am glad she got home safe.  I love you sweetie

I know this song is not her taste, but it does express how I feel.  Plus the anime couples remind me of her and I, except were not anime lol