Please…be gentle

So a few weeks back I blogged about the girl I am dating in CA.  Well, since that time things have gotten better and better.  We are in love and I could not be happier.   We have had the best times talking online lately, things have been great.  Until last night……

We had a conversation last night that not only became awkward but left both of us second guessing ourselves in one way or another.  The conversation was about sex and our sexual histories.  I’ll admit, I have only had sex with two women and the last time that I had sex would probably make me a born again virgin.  But I am happy with my choices.

So anyways, her and I have different sexual histories…not bad, just different.  So based on this she started to feel that she wasn’t good enough for me.  She is more than good enough for me…she is great for me.  And for me, I started to feel that with my lack of experience that I won’t be able to fulfill her needs and desires sexually.

So later on I started thinking about things including this conversation.  I came to the conclusion that love isn’t as easy as we may think it is.  This was the first time that we felt awkward together and it likely won’t be the last.  Surprisingly, I remembered some stuff that you always hear at weddings about how love takes work and commitment and some other stuff that I can’t remember (I was always single at weddings, how did that shit apply to me?  Plus I was waiting for the reception and free booze!).  But they are right, love does take work….it is not always going to be perfect, but we can work on making it perfect for the both of us.  And I know that both of us are willing to do whatever we can for each other.

I may need her to be a little patient with me, which I know she will be.  And then all I can do is be willing to try new things with her, of which I am willing to do.  Sex isn’t everything in a relationship, but it is important.  Even with our sexual differences, there is always a happy medium where we can meet to satisfy the needs for both of us.  That’s what love is about and I know we will keep working on our love for each other to meet a place where we will both be happy together….not just with sex, but in everything in our lives together.

And the battle begins…..

I know it has been a few since my last blog, sorry!

I decided to take this post in a different direction.  I have blogged about the ‘acting my age’ part, but haven’t gotten into the ‘being myself’ and in what ways these parts make up me.  I figured I’d share a little and give you my thoughts on the whole picture.

Since I was younger I have always had an interest in wearing diapers.  Over the years I came to realize that I was not the only one and that there is an entire community.  I like diapers for the comfort, the secure feeling, and for the stimulation.  And there are times that I do use them for their intended purposes and it enhances these feelings, I wet only.

So why bring this up, well it is a part of who I am.  Am I some sort of a freak, no just have different kinks than others.  I mentioned that there is an entire community out there who enjoy wearing diapers.  They are known as AB/DL (Adult Baby/Diaper Lover).  Adult babies like to regress back to their childhood and re-enact being a baby.  They generally wear diapers, wear babyish clothes, etc.  They make it as real of a fantasy as they can.  Diaper lovers enjoy wearing diapers mainly for the pleasure it brings, it is more sexual.  The two can intermix as there may be some that enjoy both aspects.  For me, I consider myself more of a DL…..I really just enjoy wearing diapers.  But, there are parts of the AB side that I like too.

Many people are afraid to admit that they are AB/DL, it is not a very accepted fetish or lifestyle.  People try to associate us with being pedophiles and the sort, which is not the case (I’m sure there are some bad apples).  Being that it is not accepted many go through their lives as teenagers and older not knowing how to feel about their fetish.  And when they decide to tell someone they get frowned upon or told that they have a mental issue.  I had these feelings growing up, how could I tell someone I liked wearing diapers?  When the internet came around I was able to see that there were others out there, which was reassuring.  But I have still never told anyone except my best friend who I have come to know through this fetish.

In my eyes there is also a double standard.  I am only speaking on perception, but I believe it is more acceptable for a girl than it is a guy.  For girls, it is cute and can be perceived that way.  For guys, it is sissy in a way.  I’ll admit it is not the most masculine fetish out there, it is quite the opposite.  It is almost like taking your manhood and submitting to a time when you needed to be cared for.  Whether it be AB or DL the diaper is the symbol of that lost dominance and foregone control.  Many men and women enjoy this, including myself, but if you saw a woman in a cute, childish, dress with a diaper on compared to a guy wearing shortalls and a diaper….who is going to get the more negative reaction?

There are many things that need to be kept in private and for me, my diaper wearing is one of them.  I have worn out in public, but do not bring on any unwanted attention.  It is something that makes me feel comfortable and secure….a break from everyday life.  Am I harming anyone, no…..unless I don’t use powder and I get a rash!

Everyone has their quirks and kinks and things that they enjoy.  Some may not be the norm, but as long as they are not hurting anyone it shouldn’t matter.  I am still not ready to take that leap and let others know, I may never be ready.  But thankfully there are other out there that I can talk to who understand….especially my best friend.  I may have sometimes felt ashamed and isolated in my feelings for wearing diapers, but my love for them did bring me her…..so it can’t be all that bad

California Dreamin’

So, I haven’t blogged for a few and thankfully my audience, 1 person I presume, has not complained.  I was in California a few weeks ago, partly for fun and partly checking out different areas.  All I can say is that I love it there.  I got to wear shorts in 70 degree weather while it was snowing at home!  I plan on moving out there within the next year, provided I can sell my house quickly!

What is there not to enjoy about CA?  There is great weather, I have friends out there, and it seems to be the area that will make me the happiest.  And I will gladly take an earthquake over below freezing temperatures   So this was all I was looking for initially….

but maybe there is more that I found….

There is someone that I have been chatting online with for almost 2 years now.  She has become a great friend and we have more fun than most could just through chatting and the occasional phone call.  We have been there for each other at the highest and lowest moments in our lives.  And, she lives in CA….what could be more perfect!

Well, the downside is that we cannot currently see each other, nor could we while I was out there.  But one night out there, we discussed ‘us’ and how we feel about each other and as luck would have it we share the same feelings.  As much as it sucks that due to circumstances we cannot see each other, I am hoping that this will change somehow when I make it out there.

As for ‘us’ currently, I cannot complain….we still chat everyday and I have not been happier.  We could quite possibly be taking online dating to a whole other level, but we both know where we stand.  I am not looking for anyone else, in my eyes no one compares to her.  Whatever life has planned for me, she was brought into my life for a reason.  Someday, this is all going to work and I sincerely believe we will be together….

I just hope she will wait for me….

If I had my way, I’d have all of you shot!

So I just got back from the grocery store, which can be one of my least favorite places to go.  It is a place where I get to encounter two of my biggest pet peaves.  The first being talking on your cell phone in places that you shouldn’t.  I leave my phone in the car when I go to the store and a lot of other places.  I think people are taking the convenience aspect of a cell phone way too far.  I don’t want to hear your conversation, nor do I need to hear what you need to buy at the store.  Is it too hard to write down your shopping list before going?  I can picture these people talking to someone in their kitchen, “Honey, do we have anymore peanut butter?”.  You hear this same shit in every aisle!

Secondly, are parents that cannot control their kids.  I am a patient person, but this gets ridiculous.  Kids running around the aisles screaming and parents nowhere to be found, probably talking on their cell phone.  “Oh, he doesn’t know any better”.  Correct, it is because you as a parent didn’t teach him!  They clog up the aisle and then I look like the asshole for wanting to get through while they throw crap in your cart that you ALREADY told them you were not going to buy them!

Last, stores should be treated like roads and you keep your shopping cart on the right side!  Things would run much smoother and everyone would have a much more enjoyable experience.

I usually shop at night, but I had to get something that went with my dinner.  Oh and the samplers, they should be shot too….damn freeloaders!

I didn’t think it was important

This is what a customer told me while I was working over the weekend.  You didn’t think it was important?  Did the large, bold, upper case letters stating ‘REQUIRED’ lead you to that conclusion?  *shakes head*

I work for a computer company where I do technical software support over the phone and through email. Our customers are businesses that use our servers.  I get to talk to all sorts of people on a daily basis, some that know more than anyone should to those that don’t have a freakin clue.  Oh and those that claim to be longtime experts but really don’t know what the hell they are doing.  Let me give you some examples of some wonderful calls I have worked recently.

First my buddy from above.  Claimed to have worked on these servers for many years.  Was ready to upgrade the system and skipped a step in the preparation.  He called in as the upgrade was not working.  I asked if he had performed all of the required steps, where he stated that he had except for one which he stated he didn’t think was important.  Now being that I enjoy being employed and would like to stay employed I kindly assisted with getting everything completed and the upgrade completed without a hitch.  But I have to wonder….in our instructions there are a few steps that state ‘REQUIRED‘ in big bold letters….you can’t miss them (which to his credit he didn’t, just chose to overlook the meaning of the word).  Why would you not think this is important?  Were we not clear enough with the bold?  Should we have quit penny pinching and printed it in red?

Another great story.  As I mentioned I do software support.  I got a call where a guy needed someone to go over to where the system was located and unplug it.  I am dead serious.  What went through his mind…I need my system unplugged, hey let me call software support and see if they have some ‘unplug system’ command.  First, he lived in PA…I don’t.  I tried not to laugh at the guy, and tried my best to tell him that there is really no way that I can help him.

You ever hear the saying ‘If it ain’t broke, don’t try to fix it’?  Why do people try to test this?  I get a lot of people whose systems are running great….until they touch it.  Most of these occur from the self-appointed experts…’I have been working on these systems for 50 years…blah, blah, blah’.  Really?  These are the most fun to work with because in most cases they want to know who broke it and it is generally them.  They are a pain in the ass until you bust them, then it is such a sweet victory.

In all honesty, I love working with people…they keep things entertaining.  Of course you get your assholes, but when you get that one truly appreciative customer, it makes it all worthwhile.  And if it wasn’t for some of these customers, I wouldn’t have a job.  The comedian Ron White said that ‘you can’t fix stupid’….I’m sure glad you can’t.  I like my income and I love a good laugh!

Are you ready for some football?

So being that it is Sunday I figured that my first post should be about football.  I love football season, how can you not?  I partake in two fantasy football leagues, a weekly pick ‘em, and a survivor pool.  I am a Denver Broncos fan and don’t have high expectations for them this year, but 2-0 already….I’ll take it!  Oh and I have the NFL Sunday Ticket…that package is sweet.  I have it all setup to watch one game on the big screen and have another game on my laptop.  I just can’t get enough!!!  Sunday is officially my day off, I don’t do anything….I am lucky to get laundry done and my dog is lucky that I feed her.

Now I don’t claim to be a football expert but generally I have a good eye for who is going to win each week.  Not this week.  What the hell happened?  I watched a Bengal team that could barely score on Denver last week, come out and beat Green Bay, in Green Bay!  I watched the Texans beat the Titans, in Tennessee!  In the time of one week these two teams improved enough to beat two of the top teams in the league.  Are you fucking kidding me?

Now don’t get me wrong, these both were great games.  But they ABSOLUTELY screwed me in my survivor pool.  Almost $9k on the line and these two teams knock out two of my entries.  Did I mention the New York Jets…you bastards knocked out another one.  I still have two entries left, but today’s loses really hurt.  I hope each team involved in screwing me over loses the rest of the season!  Am I bitter…maybe a little.

So now we are to the Sunday night’s game, which leads us to the inevitable…another week of work.  Enjoy the rest of your evening, watch some football, and if the results of today’s games were as crappy for you, get ready to defend yourself tomorrow at the office!